Stewardship: The endless flow of need and supply

The question, a common one, loomed in the air. "If God is love, how can he allow suffering, hunger, injustice and disease. " It's an honest question and comes from a deep place. A place of doubt and longing. It comes from a place inside all of us that wants to make sense of things. It is a question that Christians are sometimes afraid to ask, out of fear that there is no answer and that it may cause doubt.

But if there is one thing that I have learned, God is bigger than my doubt. This may make little sense but I find that often I find God in the searching and not always in the answers. That is to say that our words, our descriptions of God, fail to encapsulate Him and therefore provide only a hint at understanding him. But in the search I find comfort. In the search I find a restless hope and comfort.

I have become convinced that the basis of life is love. Not just love but unconditional love. This is the very nature of God and of Grace. Unconditional love, however is at its best when there are barriers to overcome.

Which brings me to stewardship. The definition of Stewardship being, the proper use and accounting of what has been entrusted to you. It should conjure the image of a manager or a person that has been put in charge of anothers' property. Stewardship, in view of the way of Jesus, would start with an understanding that everything you have is not yours but what you have been entrusted with by God. In our individualistic culture, we have often viewed this, even in our churches as, am I being ethical in my finances, am I planning for my future, am I wasting money, do I give my tithe check every month to the church. It is a very self centered view of life and of God's working in the world. It is a view that says what is God doing in me and with this world immediately around me. Which is good, But maybe there is something more. Maybe there is something bigger.

Maybe the concept of stewardship addresses bigger, deeper and more global questions. Maybe it speaks to the nature of God. Maybe if we look at it from a slightly different perspective we can see past our doubt to the compassion and unconditional love of God and his desire for justice in all of creation. If you look though the Biblical narrative God consistently works through humanity to accomplish his will. It is, in itself an act of compassion and unconditional love to trust us with this task.

If we would get outside ourselves for a moment and look at the world from a global perspective, we might get a glimpse of the world the way God sees it. I may be wrong, but the way I see it there is this beautiful flow to life. There is this endless ebb and flow of need and supply. There are those that have none, but there are also those that have plenty. There are those that are suffering injustice, but there are those that bask in freedom. There are those that have been awakened to the Gospel and there are those that have never heard the good news of Jesus and his freedom and Grace.

So the original question might be the wrong question. Maybe we should not be asking, how could God allow these things. Maybe the proper question is, why am I not doing anything about these things. I am not wealthy by western standards, but I have much. I have a job, clothing to wear, food to eat, clean water to drink and home to live in. I live in a country were I have the freedom and the ability to do and become anything that I desire. I am educated, have friends and a loving family, And I KNOW JESUS!! I have been given an awareness of God, the creator of all things and I have been given the good news that Jesus has died to restore me and is using me to restore the rest of creation. I have been given much! God wants to restore the world. He wants to use us in that process. The kingdom of heaven is here and available to all.

Stewardship...

Stay Free

The power of words never ceases to amaze. A friend of mine wrote a comment on one of my blogs. It was insightful and honest. He ended it with two words: Stay Free. Since then I cannot leave these two words alone. They are working me over. I realized that these are the words that we should say to all followers of the way every day.

So pick up the narrative in Exodus. The people of Abraham, who had made a covenant with God find themselves enslaved by an impressive, oppressive, self indulgent regime. The Egyptians were breaking their backs to build massive stone monuments to honor their Gods and their kings. The labor and the treatment was severe and they cried out to the God who had promised them hope and prosperity. Then the Bible says four sweet words, "He heard their cries." Awesome! God set in motion a plan to bring His people out from this oppression and fulfill his part of the covenant. We all know the story. God brought Moses from the desert to lead the children of Abraham out of Egypt and eventually they would end up in the promised land. A kingdom is established and a time of prosperity occurs.

However, the people did not uphold their end of the bargain and they slowly invited themselves back into slavery. They forgot where they had come from. They forgot what God had done for them. They had forgotten the exodus. So they found themselves in Slavery. First it was enslavement to decadence and failure to show mercy and take care of the poor. Next it was actual enslavement as the Babylonians swept through and destroyed Jerusalem and the temple and took away the best and brightest of them into exile and into forced labor. Slavery, again. God brought up prophets from among the people who came to make sense of all that had happened and to turn their hearts back to God. Eventually God heard their cry and allowed them back into their land and they returned again. Free.

While in exile in Babylon, the prophets Isaiah and Jeremiah prophesied that among them a new Moses would come and lead them into a new Exodus. What they said though is that this would be a new Exodus an ultimate exodus for all people and for all things and that it would not be freedom from physical oppression but freedom from the ultimate oppression. The oppression of sin. The oppression that we inflicted upon ourselves from the beginning.

430 years later that vision was realized in the birth, life and death of a Jewish Rabbi named Jesus. He has provided for us a new Exodus, an ultimate exodus a universal exodus. An Exodus that leads us out of chaos and into the promised land of restoration.

And that is where we are. But, if it was true then, than it is true now and although we find ourselves basking in our freedom we are always somehow inching back toward slavery.

Why do we do this? Why do we forget? Why do we have wait for painful circumstances to put us on our knees before we remember? Why do we have to wait until the Babylonians show up at the door, destroy our homes and cart away our children to decide that it is time to remember?

Our encouragement to each other therefore should be, hey don't go back to the old way. Don't forget. Don't be saddled by legalism, don't be enslaved by your sin. Don't go back to chaos run to the freedom of redemption. Whatever you do, wherever it takes you and whatever the cost....STAY FREE!!

God help me not invite disaster into my life by forgetting my past. Remind me of those moments of pain that pushed me back to freedom. Let me not forget and may we all stay free.

ONE

God continues to stretch me, and to stretch my mind and my concept of Him and of humanity. Words like love, creation, community, and intimacy trouble me. Where I use to say OK, now I say why. We use these words so lightly, like idle chatter. They have become so cheap. But words are powerful. They have meaning and purpose. It is the only way that we have to describe reality. It is the only way to communicate the deeper things. These words in particular are loaded with meaning and we need to rediscover them.

God has created us for community. Not just community but perfect community. Community with Him, with creation and with others. So what is community? What is it really? It has become the new church buzz word, the latest strategy and format for programming the christian life. But, what is it?

I know that the basis of life is love. Not just love but unconditional love. It is the thread that ties all of existence together. God is this love and He is the fabric of life. Unconditional love is difficult for us to understand because we put condition on everything. Love, without condition is not a means to an end but the beginning and ending of all things. It is at the heart of God's intent. It is the nature of God and written out for the world to see in the life and death of Jesus. It is God's desire for our relationships as seen in Jesus' admonition to "love each other as I have loved you" It is God's desire for all relationships. It is community as God sees it.

Community is the expression of this love. It is the expression of this love without condition. Not a means to an end but the beginning and the end. Not, if you do this I will do that. But, simply this is it, here it is, rest in it. Not, if you convert to my religion or denomination I will love you, not if you admit that I am right I will love you. It is simply I love you, period. It is intimacy, not identical to but not unlike the marriage relationship. "The two shall become one." Oneness. Community is oneness. Extending out from self to God, to family, to friends, to church and to the whole world. "Love your neighbor as your self." Oneness, so that even though individual still one.

God, Help me to love without condition. Help me to see all people, your people, as one with me. Help me to see and feel my intimacy with all of creation. Help me to see that their needs are my needs so that feeding the hungry, helping the sick, caring for the abandoned, freeing the enslaved and telling the world your good news becomes self preservation.

Called

I thought today that I might spend a little bit of time further exploring an idea that I have eluded to in previous blogs. It is this issue of "Calling". If you have been reading this blog you may know that this is an issue that I have wrestled with since I was 16 years old. It has caused me great anxiety over the years and in many ways has left me paralyzed in my faith and in my life's pursuits.

Some of these ideas may be a bit controversial. I am by no means an authority but read through carefully before passing judgement.

In the church today there are those that express a "calling" to go into vocational ministry. I was one such person. As a teenager I had this compelling conviction in my heart that God wanted more from me, that there were specific plans for my life and that it somehow involved people and the church and serving God and serving others. In my faith tradition when this happens it is often identified as being called to vocational ministry and often times when a person does this they go before the church and make a public proclamation of this decision. When you do this there is special recognition and it elevates your status within that community. After all those that have given their lives to serve the church and to work within that church are very special people and they likely have made a very significant commitment of their lives to God and have a great deal of love and affection for God. We should certainly applaud that type of commitment. It is commendable. The problem is that when we elevate the status of those people to this new level it places everyone else on a lower plane. It is inevitable that it does this. If you have the one you will naturally have the other. If there is a left there is a right and if you have an up you have a down and if you have a more spiritual you have a less spiritual. So the problem is not that these people have made this commitment but that there are others who have not. So the problem then, is that it automatically lowers the expectations for all of those who don't make this commitment. We expect less of them. It is only natural to look to those who have made the elevated commitment and elevate our expectations of those people. I have even heard it said of a person that was once in a vocational ministry position and then left to go into the business world that, "he must not really have been called." I think this is an arrogant and harmful attitude and illustrates the issue that I am writing about.

The problem is that the idea of the professional christian was not original to the church movement. It came later and has been dramatically expanded in the western church in the last half century or so. As we became more affluent as a society our churches became more affluent and so there was additional money to pay salaries for all manor of pastors. Lead pastors, executive pastors, missions pastors, youth pastors, children's pastors, pastors of this and that and you name it. (If you are one of these please do not take offense until you hear me out. ) This has dramatically expanded the problem and expanded the chasm between the two groups of people. Again the problem is not with the people themselves but with what happens when we institutionally support such a structure.

How many times have you heard a pastor say, I am not the church you are. You are the ones that will do the work of the church not me, I am just like you and for the most part it falls on deaf ears.

You see, I believe that God has called us all to lives that are likely radically different than the lives that most of us have been living. We are all called to the ministry. We are all called to surrender our lives totally and completely to God. We are all suppose to study scripture with diligence. We are all called to love those around us with mercy and service and devotion. We are all called to live in complete devotion to God. We are all called to sacrifice. Every single one of us. It is not about a job, it is not about a paycheck, it is about life. I should be no less devoted to God and to people than my pastor. He is no different than me. We share the same salvation, the same faith and the same God and therefore God has the same expectations for our lives. There is no excuse for living less, doing less, loving less or being less.

This issue also comes from a misunderstanding that there is a division in life between what is sacred and what is secular. God created everything and therefore by its very nature every thing is essentially sacred. Granted there are many things that we have taken in harmful directions. But all of life is God's. You cannot separate your life into the stuff that involves
God and the stuff that does not. Most of the time the message is that we need to take a little bit more of the God stuff and sprinkle it in with our non-god stuff to make it better. The problem is that it is all God stuff. Are you in health care, caring for people compassionately was one of Jesus' primary roles in ushering in the new kingdom. Are you in business or a service industry? The proper ordering and distribution of the planet's resources was as responsibility given to Adam. It has been sacred for all time. Are you a teacher? What could be more sacred than teaching, molding and shaping a young mind? Whatever it is that you do it is a sacred occupation. Do it well, to the Glory of God and for the benefit of all people.

So, a couple of conclusions. If you are in a vocational ministry position and you feel like you need to move on to something outside of the church for a paycheck, its o.k. You don't have to feel as though you have turned away from your calling. If you are in a church job and feel that it is your place, keep serving. God bless you and your service, God bless your ministry your life and your family. If you find yourself siting in a seat or a pew on Sunday morning, it is time to see yourself in a new light. Raise your own expectations. God wants all of you. He wants you to love him with ALL of your heart, mind soul, and strength.

God help me to see that all of life is yours. Help me to love you more and help me to see how to express that love to you.

Love your neighbor as yourself.

What would happen to our planet if we would begin to take this seriously?

When asked Jesus said that this was the second most important commandment...ever....so you might say that it is kind of a big deal. In order to enter into this discussion we must first make a couple of definitions. I will say that in this format you cannot make an exhaustive definition of these things but I will try. First of all, lets define love. The Bible says that God is love and Jesus came to this earth to show us really what God was like so lets just say that Jesus is love. Look at the life of Jesus and you will see love living His life. Jesus (love) loved extravagantly, honestly, without reservation or expectation. He did not determine who was deserving of love or righteous to receive it, he poured it out mercifully on everyone he met. Ultimately he suffered and gave his own life showing us the ultimate that love can do.

Who is my neighbor. My neighbor is everyone on the planet. My wife, kids, the people next door, the people at my church, the people at my job, your boss, that jerk who cuts you off on the freeway, that guy that picked on you in high school, that person that cheated you out of money, that girl who broke your heart, your ex-wife or husband, the gay couple down the street, that child with AIDS, the starving family in Costa Rica, the Muslim, the Jew, the terrorist, the person you've never met. Everyone.

What.....what would the world look like if we took the first definition and combined it with the second?

What would happen in your marriage if you stopped trying to manipulate each other and love each other unconditionally, extravagantly, without holding back? What would happen at your job if everyone stopped looking out for themselves and worked together for the good of each other. What kind of people would your kids become if they felt the warmth and security of unconditional love and acceptance mixed with loving concern and correction? What would happen to war if there was no more hate? What would happen to our churches if we all lived this way? What would happen to poverty and disease?

God, help me play my part in restoring the bride of Christ to her intended glory. Help us to dress ourselves in love. Make it our only concern and may that transform us, our families, our churches, our cities, our nation and the world, for your Glory, because you are mercy, you are grace, you are compassion and YOU ARE LOVE!

I went to Church

"...at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. "

I was not even suppose to go. I had been sick all week and feeling pretty awful. In fact I had just canceled a previous commitment. But it happened, someone came into the office and said hey, so and so, has some tickets to U2 if anyone wants them. Thinking to myself that this was probably a once in a lifetime opportunity for me I decided to go. I like U2 a great deal and have always wanted to go to a concert.

I do not want to be overly dramatic about what I experienced there but the only way that I can describe it is worship. I have always been impressed with U2s lyrics and their overt Christian symbolism and poetry and I have been very impressed with Bono's commitment to social justice and feeding the worlds hungry but I did not expect to experience what I did.

Reliant stadium was packed, which means there was probably on the order of 70,000 people there. Every single person focused on the stage and reacting to what was happening there. Every one singing these words about God and Heaven and Jesus and Justice and whether they were aware of it or not they were singing words of praise to the Glory of the creator and restorer of the universe(that every tongue would confess that Jesus is Lord). The roof was open and it felt as if the praises were rising up to the stars. At one point Bono began singing Amazing Grace. Every person in the building had their hands raised, singing in unison. Then he led into the song, "Where the streets have no name". I was on the verge of tears. I was no longer thinking about the stage or the concert but my face was lifted to the sky and I was thanking God for His mercy and my life and I was suddenly struck with fear.

If you have been reading this blog you will know that God has been doing some things in my heart and I am coming to see that I have missed it. I have been next to it all of my life but have somehow missed it. In some ways I have been like the Pharisee, seeking God's righteousness but missing it all together, wanting to show people my knowledge and my position, but never my heart. God has been showing me Jesus. A new Jesus who is actually the old Jesus, the real Jesus and reminding me that He is the example and that He is the King and that He was a servant. God is reminding me that for me, and the Church to bring him Glory, we must serve, Serve selflessly, love extravagantly, live out mercy and to bring about Justice. If we would just wake up and do this, Jesus would be honored. The world would see His greatness and begin to sing his praises in unison, singing Amazing grace, not from ignorance but changed hearts and saved souls. I want to be a part of a revolution. I want to see this world changed and I want my Jesus to be Glorified. The real Jesus, the Jesus that served people and fed them, and healed them, the King Jesus that washed His disciples feet and looked at every poor soul with mercy, Grace and the purest love.

God, may you be Glorified in all of the earth, may your kingdom come, may your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. May I live my life to this end and not be afraid to pour myself out like a dink offering giving my whole life, all of me to show others how amazing you are and that because you are love and the essence of mercy you have come to restore all things.

motivated by love

Words are powerful. They are far more than the sum total of the letters necessary to produce their specific sound. They are representations of deeper things. Things that are born in our innermost being. Concepts, emotions, ideas and more. They start deep within and then are processed through the filter of language and then are set free to go out and fulfill their purpose. The authors of the Bible recognized this, in fact in the creation poem it says that God SPOKE and the universe was created. It also says that in the beginning was the Word, and the word was with God and the Word was God. Words are powerful. We must choose them with great care and concern, to insure that they fulfill their intended purpose with accuracy and precision.

In the study of life, of God and the things of God it is crucial that we choose those words carefully because belief and systems of belief are formed around those words.

There is a word that God is helping me understand with greater accuracy. The word is love. The Bible says that God is love, so to understand God we must fully understand love and to fully understand love we must understand God.

Thinking on this I have realized that all of my life I have misunderstood something fundamental to who I am and what God's intention is for me. All my life I have been in church learning all of these things. The things of God. Some people might refer to these things as the Laws of God and the concept has always been that I will do these things if I love God. Lately I have been reading the words of God with new eyes and I now see that in actuality If I love God, I will do these things.

The difference is subtle, and a cursory reading of the two lines might lead you to believe that they are one in the same, the same concept. God has been changing me in this area and I have begun to read scripture in the light of the two greatest commandments of Jesus. Love God with all of your heart, sole, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. Jesus is telling us here that the thing he wants most from me is my love. He does not want my time, my money, my obedience, or my life. He wants me to love him with all of my being.

In my relationship with my wife and with my kids I do not serve them to love them. I love them and so I love to serve them. I love them, I love them so much it hurts me and everything in me wants to do for them and make them happy and to make sure that they have what they need and so much more. God teaches me through them everyday. If I do the things of God it does not mean that I love God, but if I love God I will do the things of God, naturally, organically as a matter of course.

God, show me you, show me love and I know that I will continue to fall in love because you are love.

An Examination of Creativity

I recently went to the Houston Fine Arts Museum. I have never been there before. What a truly incredible place that is. Amazing. It is vibrant, humming, exploding with creative energy. It is amazing what some people are capable of. With the stroke of a brush, with hand to clay or any number of media worlds are created, moments captured, emotion expressed in ways that surpass words. It humbles me to be in such a place. It made me worship. It inspired me to worship because I was in the midst of creation and I believe that we were created by a creator. And the Bible says that we were created by a creator in His image. Therefore, I believe that we were created by a creator to be creative. Creativity is fundamental to humanity. Some people feel that they are not creative at all, but in reality, we all create....something. We don't all create with the palate, the brush, with words, or song, with a camera or with clay, but we all create.

Creativity, in its essence is reflecting what is inside to the outside. It therefore naturally reflects the one that created it. Take an artist, for instance. You can look at a great work of art, hanging in a museum, and you can see what was inside the artist at the time it was created. You can see the artist's soul. The artist is in the art.

Can we then say that God, The Creator, The Artist, IS... ALL... AROUND... US....Everywhere and in everything. There is a writer named Rob Bell, he says that everything is spiritual and it is. There is significance in all of life. You can find God in the least expected places, if you're looking. He created it all and so He can be seen in everything. That is why, when we see a great piece of art, when we hear a song that stirs our heart, when we see an old married couple holding hands, when my daughters laugh, when I see a sunset, when I share a meal with my good friends, when my wife holds me close, in all these stolen moments and more I worship. I worship, not the creation, but the creator who spun it all into being. In the creation poem the writer states that each day when God was finished with the days creativity he looked at it and said, "it is good".

God, help me to look at all of life and see you, the creator, the artist and help it to stir me to worship.

WWJD

I hate bumper sticker Christianity. I loathe it. You can't possibly boil down the way of Jesus to a series of pithy catch phrases, bullet statements or acronyms. Although mostly pure in motive I believe that they have damaged the world's view of Christianity, not improved it.

Having said that, I am going to invoke one today. WWJD. I have been asking myself lately, is this life; is my life a life that Jesus would be living. God has been reinforcing in my mind that Jesus is the standard. Jesus, and no one else. So, would Jesus be living this life I am living. I am not talking about, would he be watching that movie or saying that word or would he wear those cloths. I am talking about the sum total of my life. Would he be doing what I am doing. Would he be working toward the same goals. Would he be focused on having a bigger house, a better car, a bigger savings account, a weekend home, a boat, or whatever. Or would He be spending all His time, energy, and money loving, restoring and telling the people around him about the glory of the father and the redemption only found in him, and loving the people around him with passion. Would he look to all those around, the poor, the hungry, the lonely, the sick and look to meet their needs. If he had a high paying job would he keep it all for himself or would he give it all away.

Donald Miller says that life is hard when you are one of those people that has to ask the why questions. Life would be so much simpler if you just asked how. How, do I make money, how do I marry a pretty wife, how do I buy a lake house or a boat or whatever. I am afraid that I am one of those that asks why. I feel as though I have spent my life doing that. The problem is that it has paralyzed me. I have debated for the last 20 years or so, whether or not I should be doing full time vocational ministry. I have gone back and forth and at times have felt that maybe that's why I'm not happy. I am not doing my calling. That is always the question. Am I doing my calling. If I could just figure that out, everything would be great. I would be walking in line with the rhythm of my life and everything will go perfectly. So I have been paralyzed by this internal debate about what to do and where to go. Ultimately this is a very selfish pursuit. It is very me and my world focused. It assumes that my satisfaction in life is God's ultimate purpose and highest priority.

I had some clarity this morning. Today on RC Sproul's radio show, he addressed this very thing. What he said is that the bible is essentially silent on this issue of calling. The only thing that scripture addresses is that we are all called to salvation and to righteousness. That's it. What we do to earn money is not his primary concern. We are to live everyday working toward that end. Reading scripture, praying living and loving and ultimately growing. It is about change. Our calling is toward change, renewal, and restoration. Our calling is to a life of loving God and loving others. So I deduced the question is not what job am I called to do, but does my job help me or hinder me in this calling of change. So I must stop waiting for writing on the wall, or for the clouds to part and a voice from heaven. God does not guide us like a fortune Teller or a guidance counselor. He is about the business of change, restoration for our good and for His glory.

God, change me, no matter where that takes me, no matter what the cost. Teach me to love like Jesus and make it my calling.

Perfect

I know there is a God. I Know it, I feel it, I see him all around me. I can look into the past and see the ordering of my steps and God's Graceful, merciful hand showing me the way. I know there is a God. I know it. I know it because of the faces that I wake up to every single day. My wife and my three kids. They are simply amazing. It is difficult to even begin to describe how I feel about them. It is so perfect, so sublime, it is without question the most perfect thing in my life.

I know there is a God because they are there. I am so stupid, and as a young man I was even more stupid. I have made so many mistakes in my life it is amazing that I am here today. Some how, some way, I ended up with this incredible woman as my wife. God's hand of mercy extended an unusual amount of Grace to me the day we began our relationship. I cannot begin to tell you how perfect she is for me, how she completes my thoughts, how she knows my feelings. And beautiful, I have never met her equal. She is an amazing mother and we have beautiful children. And she loves. she loves God, loves me, loves our kids and the people around her with such honesty, tenderness and mercy. I know there is a God because I have ended up with a women like this. I could not have earned her, or have been smart, or cunning enough to woo her. I know there is a God. I see it in her face everyday. I know there is a God because she has stuck with me for 12 years.

I love her.

Happy Birthday Aimee!

This strange thing called.....life

It's a strange thing, this thing we call life. Stuck between here and there we climb and crawl, run and leap. All the time fighting, clawing, stretching out towards....something.....stretching out toward...everything. We're always stretched out between the two of us, who we are and who we should be. We're always struggling between that sin nature, that root of rebellion born in us at Eden and straining toward what Christ has born in us anew, the new humanity. The new humanity, Christ in me the hope of redemption. The new humanity, God's desire for all men. Redemption and justice paid for with mercy. So I struggle on, not to repay an un-payable debt but from the love born in me through Christ. Whatever I have thought was important. Whatever I have pursued, in the end is nothing compared to knowing God and giving the world an accurate view of him by loving His people.

God, help me to fully embrace my new humanity, help me to love as you love, with hope, dignity, integrity, intention and without reservation, or expectation.

What if.....

What if you woke up one day and realized that the dream that you had been dreaming was the wrong dream. What if, what you had been working toward your whole life, the dreams that had affected you decisions, the dreams that had directed your life, the dreams that had helped you choose your career, dreams that had helped choose where you lived, where you worshiped, and most every other major decision of your life was the wrong dream. What if everyone around you had the same dream and if you dared to dream another dream you might seem odd or off balance or even crazy.

I'm talking about safety, comfort and security. I've spent 35 years looking for it. It's why I chose a profession I thought would make me a good living, why I have chosen to live among people that look like me, act like me and think like me. It is why I surround myself with nice things and look for entertainment at every turn. It is why we talk of retirement accounts, and savings and weekend homes and why we are always saying wouldn't it be nice if we had...or wouldn't it be great if we could.... The sad thing is that I tell myself that I am doing these things for my family. I am protecting them. After all, they are my biggest priority and they deserve all of what life has to offer. The truth, however is that this is all an illusion. There really is no safety, security and comfort that we can achieve. No matter how much you have or where you are or who you know, it could all be gone tomorrow. The stock market could crash, your reputation tarnished, your house could burn down, your car stolen, your job gone or on your way home you could be hit by a car and it would all go away. No safety, no security, no comfort.

In reality, it is all an illusion. In reality it is coverings for our nakedness. We are back in the garden. Nothing has changed since then, just what we try to cover ourselves with.

God is waking me up from the dream. Teaching me, helping me to realize that somehow I have confused the "American Dream" for His desire for my life. He is helping me realize that there are far greater things than safety, security and comfort. He is showing me that what he wants from me is Love. Loving him and loving the people around me. Loving with reckless abandon. Loving with a giving, self sacrificing senseless kind of love. Love that expects nothing in return. Love that risks. Love that doesn't close me off from the world but opens me up. Love that takes me where there are those who have no love around them, no matter where it takes me or what it costs.

God, Help me to love with reckless abandon.

Loving Integrity

So, I'm reading through Exodus these days. It has been amazing. I am learning so much through the narrative of God delivering his people. But, yesterday I came to a section that lies after the ten commandments. There are three sections of scripture that detail how the Hebrews should interact with each other. It's stuff like, if you kill your neighbor's bull you should replace it or be enslaved. If you injure your brother you should pay him a fee, and on and on and on.

I read one of these sections yesterday and thought to myself...um....yeah....ok.....right.... so thanks for that God. I thought to myself well that's one of those little sections that does not really pertain to today and I am not sure there is much there for me. I am wanting to read through all of Exodus so I am going to just have to power through these sections to get to the good stuff.

This morning there was another such section. I realized that this was the case and then decided to pray. I said God, teach through this passage today. What do you want to say to me through this passage.

Lately, God has been dealing with me in the area of love. Loving him with all of my heart and loving others. He has been redefining my parameters for loving him and loving others. Stretching me. Showing me more and that he expects more of me. He has been showing me that the standard is not me, it's not the people around me, it's not mother Theresa. It is Jesus. Jesus is the standard. Which I have known since pre-school Sunday school. After all, Jesus is the answer to any question that the teacher asks. God is redefining Jesus for me. It's molding me, changing me, stretching me. It is changing my ideas about who God is, who I am, and what He wants from me. It is changing my idea of what it means to be a Christian.

Toady's section was about property issues. After reading this, it hit me. These sections are not dry, dull, arbitrary rules. They are about how the Hebrews were to interact with each other. They were about personal integrity. And then it was clear, my personal integrity in dealing with other people is another way of loving them. If I act in poor character to another person, if I cheat him, if I cause him injury, if I intrude on his rights, If I break fellowship with him, I break trust with him. He will loose faith in me. If I fail to show him respect, I fail to show him love. In the way of Jesus, we are to love as he loved. He loved with integrity, respect, mercy, with diligence and intention. And so should I!

God, help me to see my personal integrity as loving my fellow man and therefore loving you as well.

Deep in love with you..

Last week in church we sang the song "Deep in love with you" by Michale W. Smith.
I love that song. It has been stuck in my head all week. It has been playing in my mind over and over and over.
I'm deep in love with you, Abba Father
I'm deep in love with you, Lord
I'm deep in love with you precious Jesus
I'm deep in love with you Lord.

The more that I have reflected on that the more it bothers me, though.

I started thinking. I am deeply in love with my precious wife. More and more everyday. I am deeply in love with her. I want to spend all my time with her. We talk all the time about someday being able to work together so that we don't have to be separated. I want to do the things that she wants to do, I want to give her gifts, I want to love what she loves, and I love the people that she loves. I want nothing more than for her to be happy and satisfied.

I don't feel that way about God. At least it does not play out that way in my actions, thoughts and words. I say that I do and I sing all the songs and tell God that I love him in my prayers. If I am really honest I have had a pretty half hearted love for God. I don't like that.

God, help me to stop comparing myself to everyone around me and use Jesus as the measure of my life and my love for you. Help me to fall deep in love with you and may my life reflect it.

Centripetal Force

Any crisis, obstacle, disaster, or failure has centripetal force. It is a vortex that draws you inward, a force that draws you in, circling the center of you. Why did this happen to me, why did I do that, why can't I catch a break, why am I so stupid. Me...I...I...I....I! It is the disaster after the disaster, It is the famine after the drought. You can circle in on yourself so much and for so long that you and your problems are all that you can see. It shrinks the world around you till you feel that this is all there is. The way that I see it, in the way of Jesus there are but two demands: Love God above all else and love others as yourself. I kind of see the second part of that as like loving your own hand. I don't think about loving my hand. It is not a conscience thought but I do love it. I know this because I know it. I see it. I interact with it and when it has needs I address them. If I cut it or bruise it, I take care of it. I nurse it back to health I use it gingerly and pamper it. That's how we should love other people. We should love them, all of them, so much that it is second nature. They and their well being are as important as my right hand.

However, you can't do that when you are down in a whole digging in the dirt. Taking a bath in self pity.

God, help me, when facing failure and obstacles to look outward to others and their needs as you work on me and bring me through.

Cliffed Out!

The goal that day was Mount Yale. We were taking the non-standard route to the peak from Kroenke Lake. In most of my climbing adventures the day starts one way and ends another. It seldom goes as planned. It is generally an evolving strategy with the beginning and end always in mind but, unforeseen variables are almost a given. When you make a bad decision it sometimes leads you to a cliff where you cannot continue on. On this day my best friend and climbing partner set out with great hopes and the summit in view. Somewhere along the way we detoured. The path to the mountain led over a series of ridges, which from below looked ominous, dangerous and risky. We decided to take the "safe route", choosing rather to skirt around the edge of the mountain. It was a big mistake. The route was difficult. It took much longer than it should. We did finally make the summit.

The summit of a mountain is a magical place. You can see for miles. The exhaustion you feel, the thin air and the top of the world view make your head spin and create this euphoria that is hard to describe. We celebrated, snapped a few pictures and then started back. This time we were not about to traverse back the way we came. We chose an even "safer" route. We descended down the mountain into a valley where the grass was green and rolling and there was no difficulty in sight. Big mistake. We did not learn from our previous mistake. We descended down into the valley and then approached a pass that we would have to overcome to continue on our way. By this time we had been hiking for nearly seven hours. We approached the base of the pass and I can still remember the feeling of looking up at that pass. It was at least 750 ft to the crest and beyond lay two more miles of difficult terrain to get to camp, some food, my sleeping bag and safety. I was utterly exhausted. I could barely put one foot in front of the other. I believed in my heart that there was no way that I could continue. A series of bad decisions had led me here to this place, this moment, this climb. I put myself in a position where there were no other choices. Despite what every cell in my body was telling me I had to continue on. And I did. We made it back, but learned some valuable lessons. Fear is a powerful motivator. It can warn us of danger but it can also push us to make poor decisions. What seems safer is not always better and even when we think we are making the logical, practical decisions it can cost you.

I am at the bottom of that mountain pass today. The climb is difficult and more than I want to bare but there is no other choice. I must push on.

God, carry me over obstacles seen and unseen. When the obstacle cannot be avoided, and when it is to my benefit carry me through. Help me to follow your way even when it seems impractical, improbable or frightening knowing that where you lead me is where I want to be.

Restore my failures

I am having one of those days today. The kind of day that you hope to never have. The kind of day when you stare failure right in the face. It is hard to look in the mirror and not like what you see. There are those moments in life when you realize that you are human and not a very good one at that. What do you do in those moments? I think that most of the time I prefer to simply check out, so to speak. Pretend it is not there. Pretend that failure does not exist. In other words I deny my humanity. I deny my sin. I deny that I am vulnerable. I deny that I am hopeless. I deny that I need God. That's right. I said it. I deny that I need God. That's really what it is, is it not? Failure is when need has run it's course, when the human condition has been taken to it's logical conclusion. When I have to look at my failure dead on, like today, there is no denying it. I can no longer pretend that I am not hopeless. I am in that moment in full realization that I am ruined. Ruined! I have been ruined from the beginning. Simply saved by grace. Saved by Christ, who came to restore all things, even my failure.

God come and restore my life. Restore me. Restore my failure and set things right. You're the only one who can....